The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, “Oh, Crap!”
Only the deep South was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, “Hey Y’all, watch this!”
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of New York City, New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles, California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside. Shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: “California archaeologists report a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.”
One week later, a local newspaper in Houston, Texas reported the following: “After digging down about 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community of Sugarland, Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Texas had already gone wireless”.
First day of school in Michigan.
The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:
“Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?” “Here.”
“Achmed El Kabul?” “Here.”
“Fatima Al Hayek? ” “Here.”
“Ali Abdul Olmi?” “Here.”
“Mohammed Bin Kadir?” “Here.”
“Ali Son al Len” Silence in the classroom.
“Ali Son al Len” Continued silence as everyone looked around the room.
She repeated, “Is this the name of any child here?”
A girl stood and said, “I think that’s me, Miss. It’s pronounced Alison Allen”
The stars of a large Television Station were each called in to the Chairman’s office until only the newest, most junior star was left sitting nervously outside.
Finally, it was his turn to be summoned.
He entered the office to find the Chairman and eight directors seated solemnly around a table.
The Chairman turned to the young man and asked, “Have you ever slept with Miss Foyt, my secretary?”
“No sir, certainly not.”
“Are you absolutely sure?”, persisted the Chairman.
“Absolutely, sir. I’ve never laid a finger on her.”
“You’d swear to that on a stack of bibles?”
“Yes, I swear I’ve never had any sexual relationship with your secretary.”
“Good. Then you fire her!”
(Charlie Sheen has nothing to do with this post. I just liked his pervie smile> LOL)
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine
‘What was that for?’ he asked.
‘That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,’ she replied.
‘Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,’ he explained.
‘Oh darling, I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I should have known there was a good explanation.’
Three days later he was watching TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again . . . this time with a frying pan, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, ‘What was that for?’
‘Your horse phoned.’