RSS
people

Silly Sunday

silly-sunday-badge-250-transparent-150x150

With today being Easter Sunday I want to wish everyone a Happy Easter. I thought I’d the Bible in a nutshell by a 6th grade child.

Here is what he wrote;

The Children’s Bible in a Nutshell . . .

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, “The Lord thy God is one,” but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, “Give me a light!” and someone did.

Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden … Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor’s stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn’t sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don’t have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, “Close the door! Were you born in a barn?” It would be nice to say, ”As a matter of fact, I was.”)

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him. (Bet you wondered how asparagus got its name, didn’t you?)

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.


5 Comments |

Feline Friday

I'm pregger

get the InLinkz code

8 Comments |

Wednesday’s Hero – 16 April 2014 – 2nd Lt. Walter Ehlers

This post was suggested by SJ

2nd Lt. Walter Ehlers
2nd Lt. Walter Ehlers
92 years old from Long Beach, California
18th Infantry Regiment, 1st Infantry Division
May 7, 1921 – February 20, 2014
U.S. Army

On February 20 2nd Lt. Walter Ehlers passed away. 2nd Lt. Ehlers was the last surviving Medal Of Honor recipient from D-Day.

From his MoH citation:
For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty on 9–10 June 1944, near Goville, France. S/Sgt. Ehlers, always acting as the spearhead of the attack, repeatedly led his men against heavily defended enemy strong points exposing himself to deadly hostile fire whenever the situation required heroic and courageous leadership. Without waiting for an order, S/Sgt. Ehlers, far ahead of his men, led his squad against a strongly defended enemy strong point, personally killing 4 of an enemy patrol who attacked him en route. Then crawling forward under withering machinegun fire, he pounced upon the guncrew and put it out of action. Turning his attention to 2 mortars protected by the crossfire of 2 machineguns, S/Sgt. Ehlers led his men through this hail of bullets to kill or put to flight the enemy of the mortar section, killing 3 men himself. After mopping up the mortar positions, he again advanced on a machinegun, his progress effectively covered by his squad. When he was almost on top of the gun he leaped to his feet and, although greatly outnumbered, he knocked out the position single-handed. The next day, having advanced deep into enemy territory, the platoon of which S/Sgt. Ehlers was a member, finding itself in an untenable position as the enemy brought increased mortar, machinegun, and small arms fire to bear on it, was ordered to withdraw. S/Sgt. Ehlers, after his squad had covered the withdrawal of the remainder of the platoon, stood up and by continuous fire at the semicircle of enemy placements, diverted the bulk of the heavy hostile fire on himself, thus permitting the members of his own squad to withdraw. At this point, though wounded himself, he carried his wounded automatic rifleman to safety and then returned fearlessly over the shell-swept field to retrieve the automatic rifle which he was unable to carry previously. After having his wound treated, he refused to be evacuated, and returned to lead his squad. The intrepid leadership, indomitable courage, and fearless aggressiveness displayed by S/Sgt. Ehlers in the face of overwhelming enemy forces serve as an inspiration to others.

You can read more about 2nd Lt. Ehlers here

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives just so others may get to enjoy freedom. For that I am proud to call them Hero. Those Who Say That We’re In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don’t Know Where To Look This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

Wednesday Hero Logo

2 Comments |

When you fly

Some of us like to fly but sometimes it is very boring. Especially the safety briefs. Here are some SWA safety briefs that aren’t boring..

Now doesn’t that make you want to hop on a jet plane and fly somewhere?

2 Comments |

Silly Sunday

silly-sunday-badge-250-transparent-150x150

Sunday is the place to come for weekly laughs. The rules are simple, just have fun.

This is a great opportunity to get to know other bloggers and have a laugh or two in the process.

Here is how it works: Laugh and Link Up!

————————————————————————————————-

Is this considered “statutory rape” or a “moosedemeaner”?

moose1

moose2

moose3

5 Comments |

End of Watch..

The following law enforcement officers died in the line of duty during the first three (3) months of 2014.

Deputy Sheriff David “Bubba” Johnson
Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office, TN
EOW: Sunday, January 12, 2014
Cause of Death: Automobile accident

Agent Carlos Rivera-Vega
Puerto Rico Police Department, Puerto Rico
EOW: Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Cause of Death: Gunfire

Detective Sergeant Tom Smith
Bay Area Rapid Transit Police Department, California
EOW: Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Cause of Death: Gunfire (Accidental)

Police Officer Kristian Willhight
Burns Flat Police Department, Oklahoma
EOW: Thursday, January 23, 2014
Cause of Death: Vehicle pursuit

Undersheriff Brian Beck
Washita County Sheriff’s Office, Oklahoma
EOW: Thursday, January 23, 2014
Cause of Death: Vehicle pursuit

Sergeant David Baldwin
Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office, Colorado
EOW: Sunday, January 26, 2014
Cause of Death: Motorcycle accident

Animal Control Officer Eddie Maurice Hamer
Hardeman County Sheriff’s Office, Tennessee
EOW: Monday, January 27, 2014
Cause of Death: Automobile accident

Sergeant Cory Wride
Utah County Sheriff’s Office, Utah
EOW: Thursday, January 30, 2014
Cause of Death: Gunfire

Deputy Sheriff Percy Lee House, III
Greensville County Sheriff’s Office, Virginia
EOW: Friday, January 31, 2014
Cause of Death: Automobile accident

Deputy Sheriff Jonathan Scott Pine
Orange County Sheriff’s Office, Florida
EOW: Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Cause of Death: Gunfire

Correctional Officer Amanda Baker
Scotts Bluff County Detention Center, Nebraska
EOW: Sunday, February 16, 2014
Cause of Death: Assault

Officer Brian Law
California Highway Patrol, California
EOW: Monday, February 17, 2014
Cause of Death: Automobile accident

Officer Juan Gonzalez
California Highway Patrol, California
EOW: Monday, February 17, 2014
Cause of Death: Automobile accident

Detective John Hobbs
Phoenix Police Department, Arizona
EOW: Monday, March 3, 2014
Cause of Death: Gunfire

Police Officer III Nicholas Choung Lee
Los Angeles Police Department, California
EOW: Friday, March 7, 2014
Cause of Death: Automobile accident

Agent Joaquín Correa-Ortega
Puerto Rico Police Department, Puerto Rico
EOW: Monday, March 10, 2014
Cause of Death: Gunfire

Officer Jason Crisp
United States Department of Agriculture – Forest Service Law Enforcement and Investigations, U.S. Government
EOW: Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Cause of Death: Gunfire

Police Officer Marc Uland Kelley
Trinity University Police Department, Texas
EOW: Friday, March 14, 2014
Cause of Death: Heart attack

Chief Deputy Sheriff Pete Richardson
Lafayette County Sheriff’s Office, Arkansas
EOW: Monday, March 17, 2014
Cause of Death: Vehicular assault

Police Officer James Morrissy
Oak Forest Police Department, Illinois
EOW: Monday, March 17, 2014
Cause of Death: Automobile accident

Deputy Sheriff Ricky Del Fiorentino
Mendocino County Sheriff’s Office, California
EOW: Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Cause of Death: Gunfire

Police Officer Robert German
Windermere Police Department, Florida
EOW: Saturday, March 22, 2014
Cause of Death: Gunfire

Master-at-Arms Mark Mayo
United States Navy Security Forces, U.S. Government
EOW: Monday, March 24, 2014
Cause of Death: Gunfire

Police Officer Alexander Thalmann
New Bern Police Department, North Carolina
EOW: Monday, March 31, 2014
Cause of Death: Gunfire

Police Officer David W. Smith
Johnson City Police Department, New York
EOW: Monday, March 31, 2014
Cause of Death: Gunfire

Thin_Blue_Line

2 Comments |

Thw war on our warriors..

This has to be told…
The death of Seal Team 6

2 Comments |

Feline Friday

cat from hades
Cats are A hole

get the InLinkz code

7 Comments |